


Twelve Doctors Doct-ing

by thenewdarling



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, and yes I want all of these Doctors to be canon lmao, didn't know whether to post it or not but I laughed reading it back, i wrote this drunk on Christmas Day and discovered it two days later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28393641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewdarling/pseuds/thenewdarling
Summary: Even the Doctor isn't immune to having awkward extended-family Christmas parties. The only difference is, with his ones all the invitees are him.
Kudos: 2





	Twelve Doctors Doct-ing

Bill had insisted they celebrate Christmas. The Doctor wasn’t much of a Christmas person anymore, he thought. But he supposed he did have one Christmas party he’d been overdue to attend.

There were a few rules to the Doctor’s Special Party. One: no shop talk. If they used the Christmas party to get spoilers they’d ruin it for everyone.

Two: no companions if at all possible. This one was more lax, but it was mostly because companions tended not to have any fun because it was hard to keep track of when all the anecdotes happened.

The Doctor explained this in laborious detail as they crossed the car park to the pub, while Bill staggered after him, taken aback by the hundreds of blue police boxes of every size and shape in all the parking spots.

A small slide-away hatch opened in the pub’s wooden door. “Alright? What’s the password?” asked the Doctor, as played by Dawn French.

Bill’s Doctor as played by Peter Capaldi rolled his eyes. “Jelly baby.”

#

The Doctor as played by Peter Capaldi sipped his Laphroaig, making small talk with the Doctors as played by Michael Caine and Alec Guinness. All of them had a silent understanding that they were biding time until it was polite to leave.

“Sorry I can’t stay!” The Doctor as played by Matt Smith entered wearing a Santa hat carrying hundreds of extravagant presents for everyone, sucking all the air out of the room. “I’ve got a honeymoon to get to.”

The Doctor as played by David Tennant made that noise with his throat before he spoke. “I hope it’s not one of ours.”

“That’s not really my thing anymore,” Smith!Doctor said. “D’you fancy a lift?”

“Well…” Tennant!Doctor said. “Go on then, if you’re offering.”

The Doctor as played by Michael Caine rolled his eyes. “The popular ones always have some better party to get to.” The Doctor as played by Tom Baker hadn’t even turned up yet.

The Doctor as played by Jodie Whittaker was assembling a Skelextric in the middle of the room, completely oblivious to how much everyone was tripping over her. By the fire, the Doctor as played by William Hartnell had started to nod off, and on the arm of the armchair, the Doctor as played by Graham Norton was laughing at a story so hard he was almost falling over.

“Right then! The party has arrived!” shouted the Doctor as played by Billy Connolly. “Uv goat Christmas crackers, whose fer pullin’ one eh??”

“I think I’ll take you up on that, my love,” said the Doctor played by Kim Woodburn. She pulled the cracker and read the joke. “Oh I can’t read that, it’s filth!” She cackled, taking a draught of her prosecco and resting her hand “coincidentally” on the Doctor’s chest (as played by Idris Elba).

Bill started up a pleasant talk with a girl called Rose Tyler, who was sitting having a laugh with the guy behind the bar, but the talk ended prematurely. “I’m gonna nip out for a quick fag,” Rose said, patting her jean pockets looking for her cigarettes.

“I’m sorry?” Bill recoiled. “It’s 2020, you can’t say that!”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “It’s 2006, love?”

Bill blinked. Oh. Of course. “I mean, you still shouldn’t say it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right…” Rose shrugged, resigned, and she downed the rest of her pint as she zipped up a white anorak with a fur lining. It complimented her Ugg boots nicely.

Bill turned, looking for her Doctor in the crowd of eccentrically-dressed aliens. The Doctor as played by Richard E Grant was counting out Euro coins on the counter. She blinked, more confused than ever, as the Doctor played by Pearl Mackie walked past her to order another round of vodka-cokes. “Come hang out with us,” she said. “You look a bit lost.”

“Alright,” Bill said, getting off her chair and deciding not to ask why this Doctor looked exactly like her. But just when they got to their little clique in the corner, the entire room fell silent.

Doctors everywhere doffed their caps, some curtseyed, some bowed. The door to the pub had opened.

The Doctor as played by Dame Judi Dench took off her cloak, and smiled warmly. “As you were.”

Bill looked confused. “Who’s that?”

The Doctor as played by Pearl Mackie wiped a tear from her eye. “A national treasure.”


End file.
